Fitness Sunday: Week 16

Fitness Sunday

This past week has been extremely stressful. But, I think I lost a few pounds. Mainly due to the fact that I didn’t have time to eat and sweating my butt off at work. My manager went on vacation and being the full time assistant it was my job to keep the store running. It didn’t help that the district manager decided to drop in a few times.

But, I have been able to re-evaluate my own eating habits. While I did not stay away from bread completely, some days it was just impossible, I did cut down on the bread a lot. Candy…well I stayed away from sweets for a few days but then I had a really bad day where I ate way too much.

It’s funny how I can go a few days without candy or sweets, then one day I just crave it all. And once I have eaten my fill, I feel bad about it. You would think that at some point I would either stop feeling bad about it or not do it at all. Willpower…I lack it desperately.

But this week I am ready for it! I have everything in place. I have breakfast

IMG_2739This is a strawberry parfait made with Greek yogurt. I didn’t even think I liked Greek yogurt! It also has some granola with walnuts and almonds. It’s super delicous and keeps me going until lunch.

For lunch I will have extra sharp cheddar cheese wrapped in some kind of meat. The meat and cheese is from the deli…so does that make it a little healthier than stuff in the lunch meat section?

I also have prepared snacks.

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Grapes. Yummy! I have separated all the grapes into snack baggies. Each is a cup of grapes and around 104 calories. I am terrible when it comes to grapes and would have eaten the whole bag if I hadn’t separated them.

Then here is my drawer in the kitchen.

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I have oatmeal for days I don’t feel like a parfait. Powdered peanut butter for when I want to make overnight oatmeal. Bananas. And little baggies of trail mix minus the chocolate. The trail mix has almonds, cashews, raisins, sunflower seeds, and pumpkin seeds. Super yummy. And in front of the bananas are some cookies…they are not healthy at all, but we all deserve a little treat from time to time. I will allow myself one cookie a day in hopes that it will keep my sweet tooth away. Not the healthiest choice when I know dark chocolate does the trick…but I really wanted cookies when I went to the grocery store yesterday.

Yes, I know I could have bought like a single cookie or something like that. But you don’t understand. These are gourmet cookies made to taste like almond joys! There is coconut and chocolate and almonds…and it’s delicious!

I am hoping that this week is better than last week. I know with my healthy snacks and the game plan, I should be okay. I will be eating several small meals through out the day…until dinner. Which is always my biggest meal, but I live in the south and that is how we do it around here. I try not to eat to late and if it is too late, I eat very little dinner.

Maybe this week I will see some results. If not…I will just keep going until I see it.

Toodles

Where is my Beauty?

I was going to share the recipe and the steps I took to make a giant cookie today.  But then something came up and I found that I have something to get off my chest.  It’s something that always crosses my mind, and I ponder on it for a while, then give up.

I am over weight.  I have always been a chunky girl, and until about 5 years ago, I just didn’t care.  I remember in high school I would eat a peanut butter twix (before they started using the chocolate cookie in them.) and a Dr. Pepper for lunch every day.  My best friend would eat the same thing, but she was a little skinny mini and it didn’t effect her.  I hated gym and anything that made me do any exercise other than walking to my next class.  I was lazy, ate what I want, and just didn’t care.

But I did care.  I hated being fat, but I didn’t know how to change.  I was a teenager and the internet was not nearly as big as it is now…I know how shocking that sounds.  My internet surfing in high school consisted of checking my AOL email and sneaking into chat sites that my mom told me to stay out of (which was all of them).  I didn’t search for new websites or information.  The internet was still a new thing.  It’s amazing how much things change in such a short time.

So, I was the fat, depressed, gothic girl that hid in the shadows until my friends drug me along with them.  I hated what I looked like and I blamed my weight on not having a boyfriend.  I thought I was just too fat to find love.  Yet, there were girls bigger than me that were always dating.  Of course, most of the time those girls were having sex with guys to keep them around.  Don’t miss understand me, I am not saying they were whores that “slept their way to the top.”  It’s just usually how things went down.  I was a virgin (still am!) and all the guys knew it.  It’s never been something I have hid.

Sorry, I got off topic.  The point is, the point of this whole thing, it’s not okay for me to be fat.  But it is okay for anyone else to be fat.  I have looked at overweight women and thought “She is so pretty!”  But when I look in the mirror I think “I am a blob of ugly.”  So why, in my mind, is it okay for others to be overweight, but not me?  Why am I so much harder on myself than I am others?  Why can I not be pretty and overweight too?

I keep telling myself that if I could afford the plus size clothes that were cute, I could be okay with my weight.  And sometimes I still blame my weight for my horrific condition of singledomness.  It should be a real thing!

I do have moments where I look in the mirror and think “I am really pretty today.”  Okay, it happens a lot, but only when I am alone.  When I am around others I want to sink into the shadows and hope no one notices how awful I look.

I am trying now to lose weight.  But I always stop to think “Why am I really doing this?”  What is a good reason to lose weight?  To be healthy, right?  But am I trying to lose weight to be healthy, or so I can feel worthy of falling in love?  And, is my mind the reason I am still single?  Do I have some kind of block that doesn’t allow me to see when someone is interested?  It’s all in my mind…I am actually just like the other overweight, but beautiful women, but for some reason I can’t accept that.

I thought that writing all this down would help.  Sadly, I now have a headache and no closer to a reason as to why I can’t see myself as beautiful.

Watch Me

The other day, my mom made the comment that if I was as dedicated to losing weight and watching my diet, as I am to writing, I would be in really good shape.  After thinking about it, I realize she is so right!  I can be super tired, have a raging headache, and want noting more than to sleep, but I make myself get up and write.  I even skipped church a few times to get a little more time to write.  This is new though, I just got back to writing like this.  I am writing anywhere from 2000 to 3000 words a day, and then a daily blog.  Yeah, I missed a few days with the blog, but I don’t plan on that happening again.

I decided I am going to try very hard, to be just as dedicated to my health as I am my writing.  I mean, writing is my passion, it is how I release the stress of every day life.  I dream of days when I actually get paid for doing the one thing I love the most.  I think I would become very lazy though, sitting at the computer all day writing.  Though, probably not much lazier than I am now.  Now, I sit 8 hours a day at work, then come home and sit behind the computer to write.  Maybe if I was getting paid for my work I wouldn’t be so lazy.

That is why I have decided that my health needs to be part of my passion.  I write because I want to be an inspiration to others, my main focus being on teens.  My heart goes out to teens and how hard life can seem at their age.  I just want to be the person they can look up to.  But I can’t be that person if I let my health go, just because I hide behind a computer all day.  It’s going to be hard, but that is what being a role model is all about.  We work hard for what we have, and we show people that it is possible.

Right now, I am almost at my heaviest.  I have set a goal for my latest novel, I want to have it ready for publishing August 21st, my birthday.  I want to keep that date, I want to add to my goal.  By August 21st, I want to be the healthiest I have ever been.  Which means, I need to lose at least 30 pounds.  But it’s not just the weight that has to go.  I have to do other things, like giving up all the candy that I love, and the sodas.  As much as I am doing it for myself, I am also doing it for anyone struggling with health issues.  Kids, teens and adults alike. I am doing this to prove to everyone, that no matter how busy you feel you are, it can be done.

At the moment, I consider myself working two full time jobs.  My regular day job, and writing.  So let’s add one more full time job to that, because isn’t your health a full time job?  Can it be done?  Of course it can.  Watch me.