I have not been very present in my blog recently. I haven’t been reading other blogs or putting much thought and effort into my own blog. Usually, I will write a post the night before if I have to work in the morning. Or I will get up in time to make sure it post on time the day it needs to be posted. I haven’t been doing to good at that lately.
I haven’t been reading as much. Or really…doing anything useful. I have worked on a few craft projects, but mostly just watching TV. Why?
Lately I have had a lot of trouble with anxiety/panic attacks. I have gone entire days without any relief from my panic attacks. Just when I think I have it settled and I’m calming down, it hits full force again. Half the time I am at work, trying not to scream or cry when someone calls my name or ask a question. I just want to disappear and hide.
Because of this, by time I get home I am just too tired to do much of anything. I will turn the TV on just for the sound, or sit at my computer and watch YouTube videos or play Sims. I then fight going to bed because the idea of going to sleep after such an unproductive day causes the panic/anxiety to get worse.
I don’t know what the problem is. I have tried to sort through all of my thoughts and there is so much that could be causing this. Things that I don’t really want to get into right now. There is just a lot going on in my head and it’s messing with everything. Even while I read what little I have been able to read my mind wonders off into the dark corners of my thoughts. I am fighting hard to continue on with every day life. I am hoping and praying for relief.
I have gone as far as draining my bank account, hoping a little retail therapy would make it better…only to realize that my empty bank account has only made things worse.
I know there are things that I can change in my life and I am coming to the realization that these things need to change and they need to change now. Which only brings on more anxiety. Yeah…it’s a never ending circle of fear/anxiety/panic.
So, hang in there with me while I get this stuff figured out. I will try my best to keep the content coming, to keep it relevant, and to put as much heart into as I once did. I just lost my way and I am making my way through the overgrown forest to find my trail of glitter once again.