It has been 30 years since the day I was born. And now I feel the need to reflect on the things that have happened in my life. Looking back I can see how life changes, but how somethings either don’t change at all, or come back full circle to where it began. It’s weird to think that I have been alive for 30 years. I remember being a teenager and thinking how old 30 was. Even in my early 20’s it felt old. But now…I still feel so young.
Let’s take a step back and meet young child Heather. I was a ham. I wanted the spotlight. I remember one Christmas I got a “rockstar” set. It came with a pink guitar, pink sunglasses, and a few other pink items if I am not mistaken. I remember standing in front of all of my family, pretending to play the guitar with my sunglasses on. I was a little rock star and I loved the spotlight.
I also loved horror movies, signing, and making up stories. When I was around 9 or 10, in the 3rd grade, things started to change. I became quiet, super shy, and I stayed out of the spotlight. Don’t get me wrong, a little part of me still wanted to be center of attention, but I was bullied and I wasn’t sure of myself anymore. For a long time I was this girl. Shy, uncomfortable in my own skin, dark and morbid. I became angry and pretty much hated the world. Things only got worse for me from there.
I got a job after high school, and I slowly started coming back to me. Then college came about and I was lured even further out of my shell. At some point in my mid 20’s the depression that haunted me for so long started to let me go. I was becoming the little girl I once was. Bright, happy, and ready for the spotlight.
I have had such a boost in confidence that it astounds me. At first I thought it was just my age. I thought that maybe at a certain age, it really doesn’t matter anymore. You just like who you are because at that point it’s not going to change. But the more I think about it the less I believe it. I don’t think my confidence and my joy comes from my age. I think it is just who I am, who I was always meant to be. I started my life as an outgoing girl who wanted to know everyone and wanted everyone to know me. I went through a dark stage where depression, doubt, and thoughts of self-worth plagued my every thought. I still have issues with my body, but that is because I know I can do better with my health. I know that I am a fantastic woman. I am strong, beautiful, and kind. I am exactly who I was born to be, exactly who I once was. I just lost myself along the way and had to fight to find me again.
I may not know exactly where I am going in life, but I have an idea. My path is the one that is barely there, only I can see it and only I can follow it. For once I am truly excited for where life is going to take me. My path will involve my love for reading and writing and my love for life.
So here is a happy birthday to me! Raise your glasses for a toast to another year of awesomness and discovery. Another year to figure out exactly where this path is going to take me. Another year of being the best me that I can be. I have found me.