This past week has been a little rough. I sometimes get so lost in the books that I am reading that life just becomes dull and useless. It’s usually the stepping stone to depression, the first step to falling down the rabbit hole. Only, instead of wonderland I end up in a much darker place, though if you really think about it, Wonderland was a pretty dark place.
Getting lost in a book is great. For the most part anyways. It’s when you have to put that book down and rejoin the real world. That moment you realize “Oh, that was all in my head.” It’s like a culture shock because you were so taken by the book that the only thing that mattered was whatever was going on in the book.
And then there are the mood swings. I am usually a very happy person. But when I read a book where things are a little darker, it ruins my mood. My mood is very often dictated by whatever is going on in a story. That is actually one of the reasons why I read so many books at a time. Especially if one book is a heavy book. I have to read something where the characters are partially happy most of the time.
And honestly, I hate books with love stories where the characters are always getting into fights or being split apart. All I can think about is if those characters will be together in the end. It eats up my soul. I will stay up all night just to get to a part where the characters are together and okay, even if it’s just until the next chapter or scene.
I’m I weird? Or is this a normal thing for all the book nerds out there?
I spent all of last weekend reading and when I had to go back to work Monday, I just sent myself into a downward spiral. I have been trying to pull myself out of this hole since then. And when I think I am making head way, I slip.
Now it has nothing to do with the stories that I am reading, but the stories I have read. It’s about how life can be so boring and how I want nothing more than adventure and some meaning to everyday life. Something other than paying bills and working. Something where I am working towards something, anything.
And it’s moments like this that I realize I need to write more. While I can not read all the time, I can always tell myself a story. I can write without a pen and paper. I can tell stories all day and write them down later. But in the end, my goal to make this life a little better is to get lost in my own story. To create a world like Harry Potter or Panem.
While I am trying to make my way out of this dark rabbit hole I am working on falling into another one. One that is created for myself and not by the emotions swirling around me. There has to be some kind of comfort out there, some reason for it all. Something that will calm the commotion raging within my heart.