It has been another week. This week hasn’t been so great. I haven’t lost, but it looks like I may have gained a pound this week. I haven’t been drinking enough water, and I have been eating all wrong.
Fitness is hard. It’s hard to want something so bad and not have the time that you really need to do what you really want. It’s hard having no idea what you are doing and not having the money to eat like you want. And please, don’t give me the lecture on how affordable eating healthy is, nor the lecture about how in benefits me in the end. I have heard it all and I can tell you, it is not all that affordable to eat healthy. And while it will benefit me in the end, I still don’t have the money to eat healthy.
I’m just being sour, I know. But my only goal for this week was to lose 2 pounds, and instead I gained a pound. Not only does this put me off on my goal to lose 20 pounds by August, but it puts me even further away from that goal.
In all honesty, I guess I’m just not trying hard enough. I’m just tired of being the fat girl. And I am so tired of people telling me I am fine the way I am. It’s great that people accept how they look. But if I am not happy in my own skin, that is my problem. I am not asking you to tell me I look fine. If I want to stay on a strict diet, shut up about it. It’s not your body, it’s mine. I want to slim down and be a healthier me. I want the me inside my mind to be the me that everyone sees.
I went to the doctor the other day to get a few test run. I will get the results sometime this week, don’t worry, I will more than likely share those results. I really hope that at least my blood work comes back a little on the positive side. My doctor even suggested I come back for his weight loss management that he does. It’s gotta be bad when your doctor wants to help you lose weight…right?
Maybe I am just being a little dramatic. I want to see results, feel results. I want to be a better me, but I keep failing. Most of it is my fault. When I don’t see results I tend to give in. I know it’s not something that is going to happen over night…but I wish I could see a little something different in a week.
I will try harder this week. Shoot for a little bit more than 2 pounds this week. Maybe I can do it this week… I will do it this week.