My Muse Awakens

Still Looking

I have spurts of inspiration that come from every day life.  Which is how I write.  I find the simplest thing and run with it, creating something that comes from my heart and feeds my hungry soul.  This is also why most of the stories I write have a love story incorporated.

As you may know from my previous post, I have been single for a very long time.  My whole life in fact, unless you count the few internet relationships I tried for a bit.  But, those guys didn’t consider it anything real, so to save myself the embarrassment, I won’t consider them real either.

This brings me to what most of my day dreams are about.  Finding love in all the wonderful nooks and crannies in the world. Turning the corner at just the right time and running into “Mr. Right” or my soul mate.  Yes, I very firmly believe in soul mates. Then as my mind weaves through these wonderful possibilities, I start to write some of my favorite stories.  A love story that starts out tragic and ends happily.  Though, I did currently write a short story where there was no happy ending for the two love birds.  You can find it on my blog…right HERE. Go on, check it out if you like.

Of course, being the strange person that I am, I am never happy with a normal human romance.  I love to venture into the world of the supernatural and explore what happens to love when there are complications that exceed humanity. What happens when a vampire falls in love with a werewolf, or a wizard falls in love with a fairy?  How about, what happens when a vampire falls in love with a mermaid?  I have never actually explored the world of mermaids, but it could be fun.

The thing is, my writing thrives off of my hunger for romance.  A romance so deep, not even the gods could tear the lovers apart.  A romance so strong that it reaches over lifetimes to come back together again.  My soul aches for a love so epic that even the greatest love story is put to shame.  And that is one of the main reasons I write.

My biggest fear in my writing is that once I find a love that I am happy with, will my writing suffer?  Will I cease to the writer I have become?  Is it just my darkness, depression, loneliness, and hunger that drives my creativity?

I have never had love.  Other than that of family.  I have never seen a boy and fallen madly in love with him.  Sure, I have guys I have crushed on…and crushed on pretty hard.  I still compare most guys to one guy from my past.  But I have never had a love that made me feel like my chest would cave in.  That all consuming love that makes everything else in the world just another speck of dust.

I also wonder if we are all meant to find such love.  Maybe that is why so many writers tell stories of epic loves, because we are all trying to find it and it just doesn’t exist.  Or maybe we have had it in another life time and we are just trying to remember that it is out there.

Either way, right now in this very moment, my heart bleeds from it’s self-inflicted wounds. Wounds caused by my constant day dreaming of how I will find my soul mate.  All the corners that I can turn and places I will go.  Making eye contact with every guy I pass, just hoping to find that spark that will match my own spark. And that is my muse.  An ache, a spark, a bleeding heart. My muse.

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