Putting It All Out There


As you can probably tell by my recent post, I have been depressed.  I have been so depressed that all I feel like doing is sleeping.  I am tired all the time and I just sleep.  Sleeping leads to being unproductive. Unproductive leads to more depression.  It’s a cycle that keeps going around and there doesn’t seem to be an exit.  At least, not an obvious exit.  I have decided it’s really time to fight this thing back.  But how do you fight a demon you don’t see?

There are a few things that I will be doing to help.  See, my depression comes from a few things.

  1. My weight.  I am so unhappy with my body that I just don’t want to see it.
  2. My job situation.  It’s not about making money, it’s about being out in the world and around other people.
  3. I’m single.  Yes!  It does weight on a girls mind.  A lot!

So, hang in there with me while I go over how I am going to fix these areas in my life.

First, my weight.  I have always had a weight problem.  I have always been the chunky girl.  Just recently I have also become in the worst shape in my life.  I may have been chunky but I could at least fly up a set of stairs without getting winded.  I found out that this is no longer true and I hate myself for letting it get to this point.  My plan is to join a gym.  But I am not just joining a gym alone.  I have my brother and my cousin who is going to join with me.  That means there will be some one working out with me most of the time.  Which helps so much.

I will also be going back on my Mediterranean diet and actually sticking to it this time.  My brother, mom and myself have all strayed away from it a bit.  But it’s time to get back to it!

Second, my job situation.  I am working on the details for my own business and trying to find clients.  It’s going to be fantastic when I get it going.  While I am working on that though, I have applied for jobs at my local mall.  I have always wanted to work at the mall.  Does it sound weird to want to work at the mall at my age?  So I have applied for a few jobs there and I even have an interview Friday!  Woot!  It’s for a place called Torrid.  The cater to woman on the heavier side, but stylish like HotTopic.  And yes, I am still writing, but it’s really heard to write when I am so depressed. I am hoping that once I get out of this funk my muse will come back out to play!

Third, my singleness.  Okay, I have no idea how to fix this and I don’t think it really matters.  I don’t think that me being single has much to do with my depression, it just feels like it when I am already depressed.  Really, there is nothing to do for this.  There is nothing I need to or should do for this.  I need to be happy with me (which I am for the most part) before I can jump into a relationship.  Also, it’s going to take a really special guy to put up with me and I don’t think there are many up to the task.

I am doing a few other things on the side to help myself out of this hole I am stuck in.  I am going to be going through my closet and cleaning it out.  I am getting rid of junk that I don’t need.  I am letting things go that I have developed some kind of emotional attachment to, but have no reason to keep it. Like the clothes that sit in my closet because “I will fit in them one day.”  I will lose weight, and when I do I will buy new clothes that match who I am at that point.  It’s time to let things go.

I need to declutter my mind and my life.  It’s the only way I can fight this darkness.  Hopefully the sleeping situation will change along with all these changes.  Like right now, I am so tired I just want to pass out, but I crawled out of bed a little less than an hour ago.  Shame on me.


4 thoughts on “Putting It All Out There

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