Stuck at 18


I was watching TV (I evidently do a lot of that) and a commercial came on about a new show that will be airing in June.  The show was about a 24 year old woman who finds out she has cancer.  What got me though was how put together her life was.  She had a boyfriend, her own place, and a great job.  It got me to thinking about my own life.  And that is never a good thing.

I am 28, unemployed, single, and live with my parents.  I love my parents and I love that I always have someone to talk to.  I an only unemployed for the time being, and I have had a job since I finished high school.  I am single…so very single. So very very single.

What was I talking about?

Right…my not so adult life.  It amazes me when I see people my age that have their life so together.  Sure they are drowning in debt (at least most of them) and possibly going through rough patches in their marriages.  They could be having trouble with their kids or having it out with their parents.  They are adults, living adult lives.  They are doing exactly what they are expected to do.  They are living lives full of bills, marriage problems, kids, and crappy jobs.  All I am doing is sitting at home, extremely grateful for my awesome parents who haven’t kicked me out, wondering where I went wrong in life.

It’s not that I am unemployed right now.  That is pretty much my own fault because I am not sure what I want to do next.  I want a new experience, but I am not sure how to get that new experience.  I just feel like I should have more going on.  I actually don’t feel like I am 28.  It’s like I am stuck on this life long trip of being 18.  Always teetering on the edge of “what should I do now?”

What should I be doing?  Should I be working at a job that I am terribly unhappy with?  Should I be dating a guy that treats me wrong?  Should I be huddled up in my empty apartment, crying because I can’t make rent this month?  How about being married to a guy that doesn’t work as hard as he should or could, doesn’t watch the kids, and yells at me when the house isn’t clean.

I know not all lives are like that.  I should have a happy life.  But what is that happiness supposed to be?  Would I be happy married to a great guy and 2.5 kids?  Or is there something more that I could be doing?

It just concerns me that so many people have their life going in some direction, whether it is good or bad, while I seem to still be stuck in the moment I finished high school.

Am I wasting away?  Or am I one of the few that is lucky enough to still be reaching for my dreams?  Am I immature and indecisive?  Well, yeah I am, but that is beside the point.  I am mature when I need to be…or am I?  Where are all these questions coming from?!


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