Midnight Writing

Go-confidently-in-the-direction-of-your-dreams-live-the-life-youve-imagined

For years I would wake up in the middle of the night with these great idea’s for stories.  I would write down a few thoughts on the story and put it away and go back to sleep, just because I had to work the next morning.  By the time I would wake up the notes I had jotted down made no sense and that good story was lost forever.  Sometimes I wouldn’t even write it down, I would convince myself that I would remember in the morning, but I never did.

I haven’t had any moments like that since I lost my job.  Actually I have been up until 4 in the morning writing away because I seem to write better after midnight.  Then last night I had this fantastic dream about fighting demons and when I woke up I kept telling myself that I should get up and write it down.  Instead, I went back to sleep and I can’t stop beating myself up about it now.

I remember the dream, I just can’t remember where I wanted the story to go.  I could have gotten out of bed and wrote two pages at least so that I knew where I wanted the story to take me.  My lazy side got the best of me and I may have lost a really good story.  I will probably write the dream down and hope something comes back to me later, but if I had just gotten up when I had the idea I wouldn’t be in this mess.

It’s funny how so many years of mind-numbing, soul-crushing work can do to your mind.  You almost instantly let go of the idea of putting sleep aside because of work.  But since I am not working, I have to learn to let go of that.

I heard a quote somewhere that said “If you want something as bad as you want to breathe, you will succeed.”  I want to test this out.  I want to lose sleep because I had to write or work on my current project.  I want to get up in the middle of the night and start writing away because I just had a great idea.  I am tired of losing my ideas and while I am unemployed I will make this work for me.

I do want to be a successful writer and it’s all I ever think about, but I let things get in my way.  I watch TV or some anime show instead of working on my writing.  Actually, the past few days I have let anime take over my life.  I haven’t even read much because I was too busy watching some Japanese cartoon.

This is me giving up everything that distracts me from what I really want.  I’m not saying I will work non-stop everyday until I am so sick of writing I just don’t want to do it anymore.  I am saying I will spend more time writing that I spend on anything else.  I said that not having a job gave me the opportunity to reinvent myself, so that is what I need to do.  I need to rewire my brain and let it know that I don’t need so much rest and I don’t care for too much television.

I will fight for my dream.

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