Yesterday I worked a full 8 hours. I hated being at work and I have hated my job for the past year. Friday they had pulled me into the office for a few issues that my boss was having with me. We talked it out and started working on a plan to get things straight. I have been missing a lot of work because of anxiety attacks and the fact that it felt like a waste of time to go into work when I had no work to do.
Well, at the end of the day yesterday I was called into the office again. My heart was racing and I thought I was going to go into a full blown panic attack. I got to the office and everyone seemed friendly enough, so I settled down and waited to see what my boss had said about the plans we had made. Unfortunately, my boss didn’t want to hear anything and just told the company that hired me that my position was no longer needed.
What does that mean? I am suddenly jobless. I am down there with all the other unemployed folks that just can’t catch a break in this world. I was fired!
The good news though, because my job was basically ended due to lack of work, I was not fired, but rather, laid off. Which for me means I can draw unemployment with out any penalties until I can find another job.
Yesterday and earlier today I was in full blown panic mode. Tonight, I am okay. I am really okay. I am actually relieved to be out of the hell that I was putting up with. It was too loud, I had no work to do, I hated getting up so early. It just wasn’t the right fit for me. I am out of there! I am finally free! And to celebrate I am spending my days working on my writing and the school work that I have been neglecting.
I don’t know how long I will last without a job. I feel almost useless when I’m not doing anything, but if it comes down to it, I will go back into retail. I don’t mind hard work. I hate hard work for crap pay, but when I need money, I will do what needs to be done.
I dare to dream a little bit though. I dream that while I am out of work I will find an agent who likes my book. This agent will turn around and sell my book for a good chunk of money and I will be well on my way to the top of the New York Times best sellers list. I will make it there one day. So, why not make ‘one day’ now? I’m excited for this new opportunity.
I will also be working on my fitness while I don’t have a job. I didn’t today because I was too busy sulking, but my sulking is over. All I can say is “Let’s Do THIS!”