I’m Not a Whale

Noting really awkward has happened lately, at least not share worthy.  I knew it wouldn’t be long before I stuck my foot in my mouth or stumbled on a simple word.  And look what happened, on an awesome Monday, right at the end of the work day, the cute guy caused me to stumble.

For some reason, the cute guys in the other office will talk to me, only if I am the only one in the office.  Now, I realize that this is just a pity chat.  They see me sitting all alone, usually with a hood over my head (it gets cold!) and they think, “I should talk to the lonely girl.”  Now, in my mind I am secretly thinking that they are talking to me because they are madly in love with me and don’t want me to know, or anyone to pick up on it.  So, of course it is only safe to talk to me when no one is around! Hey, a girl can dream!

Anyways, one of the cute guys, we will call him Cute Guy #1, cause I don’t feel like coming up with a code word for him.  The room smelled like vinegar because someone was cleaning out some coffee thing.  It had freakin algae in it!  #1 asked what the smell was, I told him it was vinegar and why.  Then I mentioned that the water cooler also had algae in it.  He proceeds to tell me that it won’t hurt us, because whales eat algae.  My reply?  “I’m not a whale.”  Which of course he took it as me taking what he said wrong.  We were all wrong!

I got his meaning.  I should have said WE are not whales.  Of course now I am thinking “great, the guy thinks I am fat.”  Which, yes I am overweight, but dang it, I’m working on it.

I then try to back track saying “I’m Hu-man.”  Okay, so you can’t really hear how I said it, but it sounded weird.  #1 tells me that I reminded him of a movie from back in the 60’s or 70’s called Elephant Man.  I have never seen this movie, and I was still trying to save my tail, so I just stared at him….like an idiot. Go Heather, you did so awesome!  (Sarcasm, can you feel it?)  Evidently, in this movie the Elephant Man says something about he is human.

I do wonder if #1 thought that I could have taken that the wrong way too…I mean, Elephant Man… ELEPHANT! Now I am all worried about losing weight and wondering if the guy could ever like a girl like me.  But let’s be honest, how could he NOT like a girl like me.  Doesn’t every guy want a girl who doesn’t talk much?  I wouldn’t be able to talk to him because I would stutter and say stupid things.  See, perfect girlfriend right here.

The moral of the story, think before blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.  I do it all the time, then later I think of something better I could have said.  If only I had just taken a moment to process my thoughts, the whole conversation wouldn’t have felt so weird.  Maybe it was just weird to me.  And after that, all the odd things I have done to embarrass myself came flooding back, and I thought about them all during my 45 minute drive home.  It was a very uncomfortable drive.  I kept fussing at myself for being so weird, but patting myself on the back for being different.

I am so messed up sometimes.  But I like it!

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